(Painting by Caerys Walsh -abstract art contemporary painting canvas. Pinterest)
I pushed you down into the deepest crevice of my soul
For, afraid I was of you, my sparkling pure love.
Your light would shine, or so I felt,
On my ugliness, revealing me for the wretch I am.
“Ugly”, they said, “that’s what you are!”
“Love?” They mocked, “Not for you.”
“Prince Charming!” They laughed. “A beggar maybe.”
“Who can nary clothe you, feed you,
Hold a roof above you.”
“Marry,” they said. “Dance to our tuneless music.”
“Breathe not,” they ordered, “not a word of our lies.”
“Weep,” they cursed, “but let not the tears flow.”
“Smile to the world,
Show not the pain in your eyes.”
This is happiness, they taught me to believe
This is life, they decided for me.
So I danced, wept, smiled, laughed.
Struggling against the strong currents of the sea.
For a sea it was, a sea of sorrow
At times calm and serene, at times turbulent
Fighting against the dreams of tomorrow
I tried, I swear, to keep myself afloat.
They did not teach that emptiness is also a feeling
A feeling so heavy despite being a void
How would they know? Poor wretches
Bending under their cross,
They eventually become the cross.
Emptiness, yes, a void in my heart
Crushing heavy like lead
Darkness, yes, dense, thick and spreading
Blowing out coldly
The little warmth left.
Spreading outwards, creeping silently like a malaise
The hollowness swallowing whole my words and deeds
One day saw I myself in the mirror
“Aah,” I cried, “hollow my eyes, hollow my heart.”
But lo and behold!
Out you emerged from your depths!
An ember glowing, a tiny spark
You, my love, refusing to be crushed
Sneaking out playfully from the dark.
This time I fanned you, fed you with my milk
You grew up fast, filling every inch of me
This time I refused to chain you
For prisoner you cannot be eternally.
Your lightness, your grace,
The tinkling joy that you are
Like air, like water
You flow out when you are free
Now my spirit flies, now my heart sings
My eyes see the beauty in every single thing.
My feet take a spring, my love
For they know that
Every dancing step
brings me closer to you.